The No List

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s been while, I know. But, why not check back in on a day when love is in the air!

I remember being in high school and waiting to see if my sweetie bought a rose for me, or opening the school newspaper to see if anyone wrote a “personal” to me.  Going on a date on Valentine’s Day meant a flowers or candy, or some other such symbol of endearment. Cute!

 

 

Dating is different today, I know. Many of the young girls that I work with today have never really been on a date. For many, a date consists of HER walking over HIS house. Not Cute. 

A few years ago, a colleague and I helped a girl get ready for her first date.  We helped her choose her outfit. My friend did her hair. The guy let her pick the date spot so we even gave her suggestions on where to go on a good first date.  She was excited! I mean, Over the Moon, excited. She said she thought that going on dates was something that people on TV did. She was 18 years old and already a mother.

She admitted that she had really thought that dating was something that people on TV did.  Oh Cupid, what have we done to our daughters?

We have created a society for which dating is not required.  More teenaged girls today will admit to wanting to be a baby mama over being a wife. I ask young girls all the time about their criteria for dating. They’ll say things like . . . he has to be cute, cool, dress nice, etc., nothing about his personality.  My friend Donna would say that problem is that girls should have a “No List” - a list of traits and behaviors that would make you “undate-able”.

Men, before you get all upset and tell me I’m on some . . .”Oprah-I-don’t-need-a man-type ish”!!!Don’t get it twisted. Some of y’all need a No List too. I have seen some of you post about Baby Mama Drama or heard your stories about how that chic that was a Hellcat in the Sack turned out to be “Crazy than a mf”!!! Guess, you really can’t trust a big butt and a smile. Hmm.

A “No List” simply helps you define the things that are deal breakers, the things that would make you incompatible.

If you can’t stand smoke, don’t date a smoker.

If you don’t like kids, don’t date someone with them.

Tired of dating folks who are not financially responsible, don’t date someone who doesn’t own a bank account.

If your plans are to go school/college, you might not want to date that guy that dropped out and is hugging the block, just saying. 

These are not judgments. It’s just about being honest. Establishing some of these things up front may save you some heartache in the end. I think this is crucial for the state of relationships in our culture, where more of our young girls stand to be mothers before they’ve even had their first date. 

What's on your No List!?!

This post is dedicated to my husband, my Boo-thang, my Valentine, Nelson, who is helping our daughter craft her “No List” early.  Poor thing will never date!!!