Bumrush Somebody You Love . . . Today!!!

We did it! We got her! VP was Bumrushed!

The Mission
I called my homegirl VP and asked her to meet me for a drink.  I told her I needed some career advice,  I had a babysitter, and needed to get out.  I suggested her favorite restaurant. 

Truly Surprised!

When she got there, the hostess (who was also in on the ruse) grabbed two menus and walked us to our table. As we rounded the corner, the rest of our group (who I discreetly texted when she walked in) was standing ready with cameras to capture her expression when we yelled, SURPRISE!!!

The Rationale

Now, it wasn’t her birthday or anything. We were surprising her to celebrate a promotion of sorts, a true milestone.  My girl VP is now principal of her own school!

It was a small gathering of what we call our Eastside Girls.  We all grew up on the “Eastside” and have known each other for over 20 years (some of us 30 years – WOW).  It was a much needed outing for us, as well as the honoree.  She told us about her new job.  We ate and “drank”, told old stories, shared new ones, and laughed. I mean really laughed.

VP telling one of her "side-splitting" stories.

But more than that, we were celebrating life.  Recently we said goodbye to another of our Sister Girls gone too soon, Dr. Tamara C. King.  This girl was one of a kind, the life of the party, a classy cut-up who put her effort into being a woman of excellence and “Doing It Big”.  And a year ago, our own Eastside Girls crew was devastated by the loss of our dear friend, Brandy D. Brown – a beautiful, wise and caring friend who made excellence look easy.  Both were well loved by many. Both were very close to VP.

Both had packed services that were standing room only.  Both had awesome eulogies and had many to tell the stories of their accomplishments and their impact.  I wonder if they knew just how much they were loved, not just by those nearest and dearest, but by those who they touched along the way.  I wonder.

It got me to thinking about a celebration that I attended some years ago at a friend’s church.  There they would choose someone from the congregation, secretly invite their family and friends, and surprise them with a sort of “This Is Your Life” kind of program.  They would have people from various stages of a person’s journey tell stories, share memories, and celebrate some aspect of who they are.  Nice.

The Call to Action

It’s time. It’s time to show the ones we love just how much they mean to us. If you’re anything like me, it’s one of those things that you always "mean to" do - but um . . . 

I walk around with cards in my purse for nearly every occasion that I "mean to" mail and I always have phone calls that I mean to make.  I mean, sometimes I hang on to the cards for so long that they end up being a rumpled mess that I am too embarrassed to mail.  So if you were waiting for a card or a call from me, charge it to my purse, not my heart. Or how about, I "mean to" call someone so long that I can't remember what I wanted to say and in a few cases, the numbers have changed!! Bump that, we gotta do better!

Flowers for Lady V!

Celebrate anything. The traditional milestones already come with a built-in celebration – birthdays, marriage, baby, new house, etc.  But I would challenge you to celebrate other things as well. Celebrate the fact that she quit smoking, or that he lost weight, that she got a new job, celebrate to say thank you for all she’s done, or hell, celebrate cuz it’s a Tuesday. Anything is celebration worthy.  You might even what to celebrate to motivate.  Maybe your friend is in a rut and you get a few peeps together to remind her, in a fun way, of just how fabulous she really is. That might be just the thing he or she needs to go forward and tackle a challenge.
Celebrate when they least expect it.  We celebrated on a Monday night.  We knew it was the only night she had free.  Unfortunately, we weren’t free.  We all complained about how tired we were, but the look on her face made it all worth it! The surprise element is key, so you might have to get into your full “secret squirrel” mode.  We talked to her sweetheart, created a GroupMe text message group so that we could talk details, and we even stretched the truth on our whereabouts to make sure that we got there before her --- cuz she’s a fast driver!

Celebrate when they most need it. The timing made it a necessity that we get together.  Losing loved ones, changing jobs, or otherwise changing chapters in life can be overwhelming as you attempt to maintain EVERYTHING ELSE that’s going on in your world.  We all get by with a "lil help from our friends" – I’m just saying, let’s just be more intentional about it.  

Left to Right: Toya, Me, KFord, DainaDane, and VP. Cheers!

So, come on y’all.  Bumrush somebody you love.  Jump out of the bushes on ‘em, ambush them in a parking lot, pick ‘em up from work and kidnap ‘em! Go above and beyond to tell them how much you love them, in this life.  Celebrate the fullness of who they are, tell them how proud you are of them and how grateful you are just to know them.  We could all use a lil bit of that. 

Now that’s a Good Time!

This post is dedicated to the memory of Brandy D. Brown, Esq and Dr. Tamara C. King.

Let The Music Play! Cuz We Some Phreaky MFers!!!

Hey Y’all! It’s been a hectic couple of weeks.  With Prom, Graduation, Luncheon, and Dance Recitals my head has been spinning!!! Sorry to have left you so long. 

Anyhoo  . . .  I knew a few weeks ago that my follow up post to The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect would be about music’s influence on our culture and our young people.  I didn’t realize, though, that I would encounter yet another reason to write about it on my hiatus.

So we’re at the prom and it’s time to announce the Prom King and Queen.  My colleague and I are trying to figure out what song to play as we call them up to be crowned.  Naturally, I figure that the ancient melodies in my head wouldn’t excite the kids, so I defer to my colleague who is a few years younger than I.  He suggests .  .  . DJ Khaled’s “Take It To The Head” . . . Insert sound of needle scratching on a record HERE! 

“Take It To The Head”? I told him there has to be another song.  Has to be.  So I asked the kids.  I asked a few who were standing close by for the name of a nice slow song that we could play . . .  Chris Brown’s street team must have been outside the prom because they all said --- “Take It To The Head”.

Really!?!

Let me stop now and grab my Bobby Pins kiddies, because it’s time to put my hair up in a bun – librarian-style.

Ok. So, first off, I know you gotta be careful when you say anything bad about music. People will accuse you of censoring them, of being out of touch, and will lump you into a category with other banished culture critics like the late C. Delores Tucker.  I’m not going! Music’s influence on our culture is real and should be acknowledged without fear of being labeled a Puritan, a prude, or worse  . . . a lame.

For those too young to remember, those who have forgotten, or those who never knew, C. Delores Tucker was an activist in the 90’s who came out hard against Gangsta Rap.  She said it was destroying the moral fiber of the African American culture.  She even fought against Tupac being honored with an NAACP Image Award.  In doing so she made a name and an enemy.  She subsequently found herself the object of ridicule in some notable rap songs, like “How Do You Want It” by Tupac and others by Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Eminem to name a few.  She didn’t, however, stop Gangsta Rap.

C. Delores Tucker

As for “Take It To The Head”, Dr. Tucker would probably be outraged, but in fact, it’s a hot song. And one could make the argument that it’s about “going all the way” in life or taking “life” by the balls!  Sure . . . okay.  That’s not necessarily the message that I find in it, but okay.  Especially when you over hear a young man singing it in the echoed hallways of a high school.  Eww!

Now, to be fair and honest, I confess.  I have gotten my boogie on to some songs that were just as bad and those that were worse than “Take It To The Head”.  I love music – the lyrics and the beat.  But today, as a mother and educator music puts me in a weird place - try being a Poms coach and choosing music for a performance or a plan a playlist for a kids birthday party, It’ Tricky (no pun intended – okay, maybe a little).  I can remember vividly dancing to “Phreaky MFers”, “There Some Hoes In This House”, “My Neck, My Back”, and  . . . . “How Do You Want It” . . . . and the list could go on and on.  I guess I’m just more sensitive today because I see teens use media and popular culture as a blueprint or a road map for navigating their way to adulthood. 


Case in Point:  Recently in a quiet suburb near me, my friend tells me of a sex scandal at her son’s school.  He was a 7^th grader.  The scandal involved a young girl giving a boy a BJ while he recorded her on his phone.  It’s unfortunately the kind of incident that we hear about more and more.  But in that suburban school district it was the first incident they’d had to deal with involving students so young.  The boy was caught showing the video to his friends who in turn started to call the girl a slut and a hoe (go figure).  The saddest part is that, initially, before she was labeled a hoe, she asked the boy for a copy so that she could show her friends. You see, she was confused.  She wasn’t forced into the act.  She knew it was being videotaped.  And, she somehow thought her sex-scapades would lead to renown and popularity not judgment and ridicule.  That’s 7^th Grade thinking for you!

Is the song to blame? I don’t know, probably not.  Hey, there have always been freaks, girls that are rumored and whispered about for doing what the other girls wouldn’t.  But when you have young men and young ladies, even ones from “good” homes, figuring out adulthood in this climate – reality TV stars acting a fool, young “models” becoming new celebrities because of who they’re sleeping with, Too Short giving advice on how to finger a girl in an interview (Yes, really!) - having “Take it To the Head” as the only slow song they can think to play at the prom really doesn’t  help.

Pass me my knitting needle and I sit in my rocking chair – Damn, I sound old!

Youth consume media differently.  From the boys cutting slits in their eyebrows to look like Big Daddy Kane, wearing bandanas to look like Tupac, wearing big ass fake earrings to look bling-ed out like Puffy, to tattooing and sleeving to look like Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifa (and that’s just the guys). We know that pop culture guides fashion, opinions . . . but behavior?

The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect would say yes.  But it’s hard to know what things will stick and what things won’t.  Clearly, eyebrows have grown back and most people 30+ aren’t all still running around shouting “Thug Life”.  But, can we expect young girls to regain their modesty, self-respect, and self-esteem once this phase in popular culture is over?

Maybe there is no long term effect and/or reason to fear.  When I too was condemning C. Delores Tucker for being just another old broad who didn’t understand the youth, I never realized that I would one day wonder about the moral climate that my own child would grow up in.  Truly, the songs I listened to didn’t scar me for life or turn me out.  I turned out okay and so did nearly all of my friends.  Maybe, music’s influence isn’t as strong and doesn’t stick as much as we think.  

Maybe there really is nothing to worry about. I guess I’m just surprised that no one seems bothered by it.  When I told my colleague not to play the song at the prom he seemed shocked.  He said, “Oh, I guess I need to listen to the lyrics”.  Yes, but . . . the title . . . ?

The record has made it to the Top 20 of the Billboard R& B and Hip Hop chart and no one seems to mind.  The artists are safe.  There are no new C. Delores Tucker-types jumping out of the shadows to boycott them and lambast the direction of media and popular culture.

So, I guess I’ll just sit my old ass down then!

Maybe this phase/trend in music and media will pass too.  Maybe. 

Until then . . . I guess . . .  We’ll just Let the Music Play!?!

Tell me what you think? Do you think today’s music is having a negative affect on our youth? What “bad ass” songs did you listen to?

The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect

The warm weather is finally here!  The sun is shining, the grills are going, women are wearing sandals, and the line for pedicures at your local nail shop is out the door!  This is a great time to discuss The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect.

The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect is a phenomenon that I have been aware of for some time.  It has nothing to do with the wooden tool/toy (although . . . well maybe).  It is really a reference to the movie Boomerang starring Eddie Murphy.  You remember, in the movie Eddie’s character makes a point to check out a woman’s feet before he will decide if he can date her.  The woman could be PERFECT, but if she’s got bunions, blisters and hammertoes (Hammertime in her shoe as he calls it) she’s outta there.  Funny, right!

Boomerang Movie Poster - 1992

The interesting thing  is  . . . this became a requisite part of the mating practice for a time.  I know I am showing my age here, but as the former Queen of the First Dates, I remember guys would check a girl out and intentionally add her feet and toes to the equation, especially in the summer.  Not necessarily a deal-breaker like in the movie, but it was definitely a factor.  It wasn’t something I minded terribly.  I didn’t fare too badly, as a rule I have always tried to make sure my lil Yabba Dabbas are up to par.  Foot care should always be a necessity. 

My toes in aqua. Very hip, very now.

But, there was a boom.  The BH Effect is real.  Everywhere you went, you heard people discussing foot care like never before. Foot spas & nail shops popped up everywhere you looked – and I do mean everywhere.  Pedicures were no longer a posh service at a day spa. It was no longer for the well-heeled and the wealthy.  Even we common, ashy foot, females from the hood could now get a pedicure in nearly every mall or strip mall – right after we picked up the groceries. 

Ok, ok so there might have been other factors that contributed to the rise in nails shops on nearly every corner, but the truth of the matter is that there is something to be said about how we consume media and how it becomes a driving force for fashion trends, for social phenomena, and how it sometimes becomes an instruction manual for our culture.  Working with teenagers, I see it every day. 

The Upside of The BH Effect

·         Over the years there have been many articles, studies and surveys conducted on the influence of the iconic sitcom, The Cosby Show.  They portrayed a positive example of a married, professional couple raising healthy Black children albeit quirky and imperfect.  People who didn’t have the Cliff and Clair prototype in their home could look at the show as an example of what is possible – many did and still do.

·         Movies like School Daze and shows like a Different World had everyone wanting to go to college. Not just a black college - Any college.  My friend Sean often credits these two for helping to plant the seed about college for him and some of his peers.  Today, he is successful in television and media, has earned two Emmy's, and can speak first-hand about its power to influence youth. 

·         And let’s not forget Love Jones.  When this movie came out EVERYONE of a certain age with a modicum of talent (and even those none at all) thought they were a poet!  Poetry sets were a staple of the single's scene in the late 90’s and they were packed with women looking for their Darius Lovehall ready to be “the blues in [their] left thigh and tryin’ to become the funk in [their] right”!

·         Today, movies like ATL and Love and Basketball, have all my students wanting to move to Atlanta and hoping to find success and love on the basketball court.  And thanks to shows like Law and Order, CSI, NCIS, etc. they all want be a police detective or forensic scientist (even students who don’t like science)!!! Each year I have to try to debunk myths about the profession without killing their desire to pursue it.  I put together a Law Enforcement Career Panel for our students, and it was by far the most crowded of all the Career Panels we hosted this year.  It was full with students wanting to know how much their REAL careers were like what they see on television.

The Downside of The BH Effect –

·        There is no denying that Black films in the 90’s gave us a glimpse into the lives of people in hoods all around the country – particularly Los Angeles – and there was an effect.  Films like Boys in the Hood and Menace to Society featured things like drive-by’s and carjacking that were common in LA.  These things existed in Chicago but they didn’t really have a name.  I can remember when I was 12 a friend that lived across the street was shot and killed by people driving by.  It was what happened; it didn't have a name. We didn’t call it a drive-by.  After those films, for us it now had a name and  unfortunately we began to hear of it happening more and more.

·        Let’s also include Any Movie with Gabrielle Union! She is often portrayed as the quintessential successful Black Woman who can’t find a man, will steal your man, and in the process will be a royal BIATCH!! These films and these characters have helped to perpetuate the idea that Black women in positions of authority have to be BIATCH, and a lonely one at that. Sorry Gaby, it’s not you it’s the characters – we know you gotta work, girl. 

·         Today psychologists are studying the effect of shows like Bad Girls Club, Real Housewives of . . . . , Basketball Wives, Teen Mom, etc. They are studying the link between these shows and levels or aggression and incidents of violence among young girls.  Well, I ain’t no researcher . . . but um . . .  the link is pretty clear to me! When I hear young girls quoting the cast members, making references to their conflicts on the show, and talking about “what they would do” in that situation, it’s pretty clear to me that there is a link.

So maybe the connection to the actual wooden boomerang is more apparent than I initially thought.  Life definitely imitates art and what we put out there inevitably comes back to us – the good and the bad. The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect is real - media has always and will always have the power to affect change in society, not just with film and television, but music too.  But, I’ll save that discussion for next time.

It has been nearly 20 years since Boomerang was in theaters, and nail shops are still crowded with women trying to get their feet right for summer. Every nail shop in America should really have Eddie’s picture up to pay tribute. Because of him, no woman wants to be caught dead with “Hammertime in her shoe”. 

Peace,
C

Now tell me.  What film have you seen start a fad or social phenomenon? Did ya love it? Did ya hate it?

This Revolution WILL be televised. In Fact It's Already On the Air!!!

All you need to do is open a magazine – one that caters to African Americans like Essence or to the mainstream like People – and you’ll see it.  Turn on the TV or hang out at your local Target or Walmart and you'll see it. Google it and see how many articles, blog posts, and pictures, come up. There’s even a YouTube community.  Black women everywhere have decided to ditch the relaxer and wear their natural hair. On nearly every other page, in every other ad, on every other commercial, if it features an African American woman most of the time she’s rockin’ a natural (or natural looking) hair style.

For me it’s so refreshing to see natural hair being embraced by the mainstream.  No longer is natural hair a style choice that only the few, the bold wear with pride.  Our naps are no longer our “dirty little secret” but a natural and beautiful part of who we are and we're wearing it!

But that was so not the case 8 years ago . . .

Me & VP rocking out flat twist-outs in '07!

Hellooo?  Anybody here? That's how I felt in 2004 when my homegirl VP and I decided that we were going to grow our relaxers out and wear our natural hair! We made a bold declaration.  We were accepting our natural beauty and freeing ourselves of society’s stifling definition of beauty!  It was on!!!

But it wasn’t that simple . . . .

First off, let me just let you know, I don’t have naturally wavy, buttercream textured hair.  I got some naps! For the most part, mine is a think, kinky curly texture that definitely requires some maintenance for manageability, from what I can remember.  It has been 26 years since I have seen a full head of my natural hair.  That right there is a lot of relaxer!

Back in ’04 transitioning for me was difficult.  Even though I had the courage, the determination and a great stylist, when I went home, I was on my own.  My friend and I were both going through a transition, but we were more like the blind leading the blind! I would wake up each morning with fear in my heart as I walked to the mirror to see if my nighttime hair routine had left me with enough style to take on the day - sometimes yes, sometimes HELL naw!

It was hard. And I realized I wasn’t so brave after all. I had chosen to grow my relaxer out as opposed to just cutting it all off and starting fresh like some women do – I was too chicken.  I did, however, experiment with new styles and techniques. It always looked great when I left the salon, but managing the two textures of hair (one natural and one relaxed) alone at home was a challenge.  I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't have very many friends to ask.

But that wasn't the worst part.

What I hated the most was that it was ALWAYS ABOUT MY HAIR.  At the time I was teaching on the Northside of Chicago in a pretty diverse and progressive neighborhood.  From the first day I walked in with my flexirod set (a favorite style for transitioners), it was on.  My students, my coworkers, the lunchroom staff – everybody –  offered everything from compliments to questions and even suggestions and opinions about the look. Not just on the first day, but EVERYDAY! I heard things like “Ms. D! I like your curls!” “Oh, you look so artsy” to “Ooh Ms. D. you need a perm”, “You know, I really like your old style better” (yes – someone said that).  Even, the cleaning lady!!! One afternoon she walked into my room with a sheepish grin and a knowing look in her eye.

CL: I know your secret.

Me: What secret? (I really was curious. Good Lord, what did she know?)

CL: I asked myself, how could her hair be straight one day and curly the next.  You're wearing a wig aren't you? (She smiled widely as if she had thought long and hard before she arrived at the answer.)

I just took a deep breath and used it as a teaching moment.  She looked so disappointed and a little confused.

Why my hair was of such interest to people was a mystery. Truly there have always been and will always be Black women who choose to wear their hair natural.  But even as late as 2004, myths, misconceptions , stereotypes, and questions about them still prevailed – she’s radical, she’s militant, she’ll call you a “Sucka” and a “Jive Turkey”, she’s going through some things, she’s depressed, she’s a lesbian, she’s a man hater, she’s a hippie, she’s looking for the gunja!!! Her hair musta fallen out!!

India.Arie said it best, I am not my hair!! And contrary to what some may believe about my Sunshiny  (and sometimes theatrical personality), I don’t really like the conversation to be about me, and I definitely don’t want it to be all about my hair.  I realized that I didn’t possess that Armor of Confidence needed to be on frontlines of the Natural Movement.  That armor that keeps people from saying crazy stuff to you or that allows you to have it just roll off your back.

I didn’t want to be bothered with it. From trying to figure out how to style my hair, to the constant conversations about it, I was spending too much time thinking about HAIR! So much so that nine months after the start of that journey, I made an appointment with my dealer and asked for another hit of the creamy crack.  And just like that, I was back on that stuff!

In the 8 years since my first attempt, things have definitely changed.  Newly natural celebrities like Kim Coles, Raven Symone and Solange have made their journey to natural a very public thing, adding themselves to the growing list of celebs like Jill, Erykah, Esperanza Spaulding, and Corrinne Bailey Rae who are known for beautiful natural hair. Even on the Disney Channel you can see little Skai Jackson on “Hey Jessie” wearing beautiful braid outs and ponytails.  And yes, even Cher was photographed wearing an Afro wig.

Today, with so many woman going natural and with so many styles to choose from there is no ONE image of the natural woman. She could be rocking braids, locs, an afro, kinky curls, or wearing it flat ironed straight and for the most part, no one really bats an eyelash.  Call me late, call me a chicken, call me a band wagoner, whatever!  I wasn’t on the front lines, but I’m ready to be a soldier!  I’m down with THE MOVEMENT!!  And I now have all I need!

Ammunition - Products

Donna & Stephanie showing off free productsts!

Today there is a dizzying array of products for naturals, from $50 deep conditioners to home recipes for moisturizers on the internet.  Companies recognize that Black women are going natural and they are cashing in.  Even brands that were leaders in the relaxer game have added products for naturals to their roster.  For example Crème of Nature now has a Roots of Nature line (is this funny to anyone else but me).   Benefit: The upside is that many of the products are good and reasonably price and you have so many to choose from, you're sure to find what works for you. Back in the day you’d have to spend a grip, pay shipping and handling, or make it yourself.  

Allies and Support

Me with Titi and Miko founders of Miss Jessie's Products

YouTube – There is a YouTube Community full of experts and newbies all giving advice, tutorials, and product reviews. They have their own language; using terms like TWA, BC, PJs (teeny weeny afros, big chop, product junkies).  They have their own regimens and routines (hydrate, moisturize, and seal) that they are willing to share.  They have become my support system for style ideas and transitioning solutions.  WHERE THE HELL WERE THEY IN 2004!!!! Some of my favorites are africanexport, kimmaytube, simplyounique, nikkimae, aliciajamesmusic, ninapruit and mahoganycurls.  Benefit: Many allow you to see how a style is achieved from start to finish and with so many out there you’re sure to find someone with a similar hair texture and/or style sense as yourself.

Natural Hair Blogs – There are tons of bloggers out there too that provide education, product reviews and a safe space to post your own vent or rant.  A few popular ones are Curly Nikki, Naturally Curly, and Afrobella. Benefit: Many of the best sites feature articles from stylists, chemists, respected gurus, as well as regular peeps.

Chicago Natural Hair Expo - My People!

Meet Up Groups and Natural Hair Expos – I recently joined the Chicago Natural Beauty Meetup - a groups that provides a forum and hosts events for women interested in natural beauty in my area.  I recently attended the Chicago Natural Hair Expo sponsored by Miss Jessie’s and found myself in a sea of naturals. It was as if the clouds parted, the angel started singing.  These were my people! The event featured a fashion/style show, tutorials, vendors, and Fantastic SWAG BAGS that featured full sized products from Miss Jessie’s! The event was coordinated by Rachel O. a natural beauty expert and make-up artist. Benefit: I have found my people!!!

Armor

Back then, when I would tell me friends I was growing my relaxer out they’d say, “Good Luck with that!” Today, they say “Really, me too” or “Good for youl, I’ve been natural for about 4 years now! ‘Bout time!”  Times have certainly changed.  Thanks to all my forebears who boldly and proudly pushed the envelope (or rather Kicked In the Door) chickens like me can now proudly join the movement too without all the fuss. 

Donella & friend showing off their SWAG bags!

I’m not sure yet  if I’ll be a curly natural or one who straightens (sans chemical) or some kind of hybrid of the two, but I do know that crack is whack (even the creamy kind) and it’s coming out! It’s been 26 years since I’ve seen a head full of my natural hair and it’s high time we got reacquainted.

What are your thoughts? Have you noticed this trend? Are you down with The Movement? Do you think it will be a passing thing?

Happy Mother's Day to All You Mutha*s Out There!!!

This Sunday we will take time to honor all of the women who love and nurture us, women who have made sacrifices for us and taught us from their wisdom.  For the vast majority, we will spend the day honoring our Mothers, Grandmothers, Step Mothers, Mothers-in-Law, Aunties, Sisters, Wives, and Girlfriends.

But dear friends, I want to make sure that you don't forget to send some love to all your Mutha*s out there.  You know who I mean.  The women who compel you to say, "Girl, you know you’re my Mutha*!"

No one will ever replace Mom - she's the original OG! But as we get older, we also realize the importance of the sister-friends in our lives.  Old School remedies and sage wisdom like Hot Toddies and castor oil are all have their place, but sometimes you just need a contemporary spin on things.  These sister-friends are a part of that collective, that council, that village of women who help us become the people we are today.

Fellas, you too! For you this may be that platonic friend at work (and I do mean platonic - this ain't for you creepers out there), that sister, that girl cousin, that cool auntie, or that home-girl from childhood.  There is no denying that they are there for you and always have been. It’s high time we salute them!

Let me be more specific and tell you who I mean . . .

The Ride or Die - This mutha* is always there if you need her - no matter what!  She’s the girl that won't think twice about running a car key "from the front light, to the back light" of an ex's vehicle.  Now, whether she in fact does this for you (literally or figuratively), she's down for you! She's fiercely protective of you while always encouraging you to be strong.

The Cheerleader - This mutha* always wants to see you shine and always encourages you to do so.  She cheers for your success and indulges your whims, no matter how many and no matter how ridiculous!  She makes you feel good about yourself, even if you have doubts.  If say you wanna dye your hair purple, she's like, "For Real! Girl, do that ish! You know purple is your color anyway!" or "I know what ever it is, you'll make it look fly."  The Cheerleader is not at all jealous.  She possesses a unique wisdom and realizes that encouraging you to shine doesn't in anyway dim her light. In fact, it makes her shine brighter.

The Vault - You can tell her anything. I mean anything! From that body in the trunk to that extra child on your income taxes.  She's taking it to the grave.   You can open your heart or your skeleton closet without fearing that your deepest and darkest will be gossip fodder or end up on a blog. :)

The Non-Judging Judy - You knew it was slightly illegal, somewhat immoral, or otherwise reprehensible.  Hell, like the time you knew he or she wasn't exactly single, and you needed to talk to someone about it.  She listens without judgment and offers what she can and gently offers advice, regardless of how she may really feel about it.

The Wise Counsel - You didn't go postal, you didn't jump off that bridge because she had a way of breaking down and giving it to you straight - no chaser.  Her compass is always pointed in the right direction and you can trust that her advice will be honest and heartfelt . . . . . even when you don't take it.

The Side-Splitter - She can't help it. Her keen observation and limitless arsenal of jokes always has you CRACKING UP! No matter what's going on or who's involved, she's got a one-liner for it.  Be careful though, don't sit next to her if you have to go to the bathroom and definitely don't sit next to her a funeral. She can't help it.

In a perfect world, your Mother is also our Mutha*! But despite that "S" on her chest, mom can't do it all. That's why we have Mutha*s.  I checked yesterday and saw that Hallmark didn’t have a card for them.  No worries.  We’ll just have to salute them a little differently. 

So whether she's your mom, auntie, sister, sister-friend, cousin, or home-girl, don't forget her this Sunday.  Send her a gift, send her an email, send  her this blog :) or simply call her up and say, "Girl, you know you my Mutha*!  Happy Mutha*s Day!"

Now let me know, who’s your Mutha*? Are you someone's Mutha*? Did I forget anyone? What other kind of Mutha*s are out there?

Like this post? Check out my new blog HERE!

Why Blog? Wasabi Nuts.

Today my initial thought was to start my day by enjoying the quiet of morning.  Before my daughter wakes up . . . it won’t be long.  How a sleepy head like me I ended up with a daughter that fights sleep so aggressively is beyond comprehension.

I thought I’d take advantage of the quiet, make some tea, add to my never ending to-do list, organize my weekend and prepare for the last few weeks of the school year. Boring, but necessary. While my tea cooled I grabbed a few almonds, Wasabi and Soy flavored.  I really prefer the Lime and Chili flavor but they can be hard to find. 

FYI, I can’t stand Wasabi (yes, I’m one of those people).  But, I had sushi with Puni and Donna a while ago and really liked it for the first time in like  -- ever!  When Puni mixed it expertly with the soy sauce, it was spicy and interesting; I could do it.  As a general rule, though . . . Yuck.  The sharp bite reminds me of bitter mustard and tastes like it shouldn't really be edible.  I bought the Wasabi and Soy nuts hoping the flavor combo would be more like Puni's mixture.  No luck.  Just as I was enjoying the salty goodness the bitterness bit me back  . . . Yuck.  But, because I am a salty snack FIEND, I tried another.  I get the salty then the bitter again.  I take another couple of nuts and this time the bitter ain't so bad.  I grab two more and call it quits. My tea is cool.

I’m in rut.  There is no pussyfooting around it.  To do lists, morning traffic, working and parenting, dance classes and deadlines, dinner and groceries and errands are taking a toll. In the quiet of morning you’re able to see how something so random as flavored almonds can parallel life. The Lime and Chili nuts are so me - I love tart and sour flavors, I love a little spice.  I have searched for them high and low in grocery stores, gas stations, drugstores, Target, etc.  I can only find them at Walgreens (oh and on D Steele's desk at work where I used to steal them - stealing from Steele - funny!) They are hard to find, and I have tried! The same can be said about so many things in life.  What you find or believe to be so fitting or so perfect - a job or career, a house, a mate, a pair of shoes, whatever - can sometimes be so elusive.  Despite your circumstance, your bounty of blessings, your unique gifts or advantages, there is sometimes something missing, it’s that thing that thing we long for.  Often, when that thing continues to be just out of reach, we learn to like what we have. Wasabi.

I recently returned to my job after a leave of absence to work at another school (that's a whole 'nother story).  There's nothing like a dysfunctional situation to help you appreciate your previous dysfunctional situation – you realize it wasn't so bad after all.  Anyway, I am a 12th grade counselor and I teach 5 college access/life skills classes.  I'm now in a situation where I drive an hour to and from work everyday.  I teach college to a population who are only minimally college ready and many who really don't understand "what the big damn deal is about college" in the first place.  The work is hard, but necessary.  I love the work and the students, but I basically signed on to do two jobs. Single Cheryl the Superwoman could probably do it, but not me.  I get home so late that I'm dog tired - often with work still to do.  I come home to a house with peeling wall paper in the kitchen, a leaky ceiling in the den, and a double murder two doors down. Yes, it’s a fixer upper.  My husband doesn't cook and works nights at the railroad so on top of the paperwork there's also cooking, cleaning and parenting alone in the evening (I know many who can relate).  Like so many people, we work everyday and can't seem to get ahead enough to have the extra cash to do some remodeling, pay for a little extra help, or even do a little traveling. I am having a hard time seeing what the struggle brings and why it's worth it.  Pass the nuts.

I spent a significant amount of time as – Single Cheryl (aka Queen of the First Dates) a single gal with no kids, an eternal optimist with big ideas and lots of energy.  For Married Cheryl life is different. This shock of life is still  . . . shocking, at times.  I love being a wife and a mom, but I still have goals, dreams, and aspirations that don't fit so easily into this so-called-life.  I want write for television and film, I want to travel, I want to come home to a house that embodies my spirit, I want to take naps.  The day-to-day just seems to move me further and further away from that – I’m just Sisyphus rollin’ the stone.  It all just seems so elusive, despite my desire for it and my efforts toward it.  Life would be so much easier if I would just learn to love the wasabi nuts of it all. Damn, now my tea is cold.

I'm sure Oprah would say - Gratitude should be your attitude - okay so she might not use those words exactly but the point is made.  You may not always get exactly what you want but you should recognize the richness of the blessings bestowed upon you.  Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . I know all that and I get it.  Seeing my daughter dance her three signature dance moves to every song she hears, sharing laughs with friends, and stealing kid-free time with my husband are all wonderful reminders.  I am still filled with a longing.

So, even though I am grateful to have a job, a home, a family, etc., I'll tell you what.  I’m done.  I’m tossing out the rest of these wasabi nuts.   I personally don't want to get used to, nor learn to like the wasabi in my life.  I am a writer.  I want to improve my home, relish in my marriage, love on my family, nurture my friendships,  I want to improve my finances and the person that I am, and so on . . . . I want to go hard in search of the Sunshine and Good Times that I took for granted.  The rut of the day-to day makes you forget to delight in all the things that just make you wanna Boogie!

So I'm off to Walgreens to get my Lime and Chili flavored almonds - for inspiration.  I know none of these things will happen if I just settle and learn to like DESE NUTS!!!! :)

Peace,

C