Why Blog? Wasabi Nuts.

Today my initial thought was to start my day by enjoying the quiet of morning.  Before my daughter wakes up . . . it won’t be long.  How a sleepy head like me I ended up with a daughter that fights sleep so aggressively is beyond comprehension.

I thought I’d take advantage of the quiet, make some tea, add to my never ending to-do list, organize my weekend and prepare for the last few weeks of the school year. Boring, but necessary. While my tea cooled I grabbed a few almonds, Wasabi and Soy flavored.  I really prefer the Lime and Chili flavor but they can be hard to find. 

FYI, I can’t stand Wasabi (yes, I’m one of those people).  But, I had sushi with Puni and Donna a while ago and really liked it for the first time in like  -- ever!  When Puni mixed it expertly with the soy sauce, it was spicy and interesting; I could do it.  As a general rule, though . . . Yuck.  The sharp bite reminds me of bitter mustard and tastes like it shouldn't really be edible.  I bought the Wasabi and Soy nuts hoping the flavor combo would be more like Puni's mixture.  No luck.  Just as I was enjoying the salty goodness the bitterness bit me back  . . . Yuck.  But, because I am a salty snack FIEND, I tried another.  I get the salty then the bitter again.  I take another couple of nuts and this time the bitter ain't so bad.  I grab two more and call it quits. My tea is cool.

I’m in rut.  There is no pussyfooting around it.  To do lists, morning traffic, working and parenting, dance classes and deadlines, dinner and groceries and errands are taking a toll. In the quiet of morning you’re able to see how something so random as flavored almonds can parallel life. The Lime and Chili nuts are so me - I love tart and sour flavors, I love a little spice.  I have searched for them high and low in grocery stores, gas stations, drugstores, Target, etc.  I can only find them at Walgreens (oh and on D Steele's desk at work where I used to steal them - stealing from Steele - funny!) They are hard to find, and I have tried! The same can be said about so many things in life.  What you find or believe to be so fitting or so perfect - a job or career, a house, a mate, a pair of shoes, whatever - can sometimes be so elusive.  Despite your circumstance, your bounty of blessings, your unique gifts or advantages, there is sometimes something missing, it’s that thing that thing we long for.  Often, when that thing continues to be just out of reach, we learn to like what we have. Wasabi.

I recently returned to my job after a leave of absence to work at another school (that's a whole 'nother story).  There's nothing like a dysfunctional situation to help you appreciate your previous dysfunctional situation – you realize it wasn't so bad after all.  Anyway, I am a 12th grade counselor and I teach 5 college access/life skills classes.  I'm now in a situation where I drive an hour to and from work everyday.  I teach college to a population who are only minimally college ready and many who really don't understand "what the big damn deal is about college" in the first place.  The work is hard, but necessary.  I love the work and the students, but I basically signed on to do two jobs. Single Cheryl the Superwoman could probably do it, but not me.  I get home so late that I'm dog tired - often with work still to do.  I come home to a house with peeling wall paper in the kitchen, a leaky ceiling in the den, and a double murder two doors down. Yes, it’s a fixer upper.  My husband doesn't cook and works nights at the railroad so on top of the paperwork there's also cooking, cleaning and parenting alone in the evening (I know many who can relate).  Like so many people, we work everyday and can't seem to get ahead enough to have the extra cash to do some remodeling, pay for a little extra help, or even do a little traveling. I am having a hard time seeing what the struggle brings and why it's worth it.  Pass the nuts.

I spent a significant amount of time as – Single Cheryl (aka Queen of the First Dates) a single gal with no kids, an eternal optimist with big ideas and lots of energy.  For Married Cheryl life is different. This shock of life is still  . . . shocking, at times.  I love being a wife and a mom, but I still have goals, dreams, and aspirations that don't fit so easily into this so-called-life.  I want write for television and film, I want to travel, I want to come home to a house that embodies my spirit, I want to take naps.  The day-to-day just seems to move me further and further away from that – I’m just Sisyphus rollin’ the stone.  It all just seems so elusive, despite my desire for it and my efforts toward it.  Life would be so much easier if I would just learn to love the wasabi nuts of it all. Damn, now my tea is cold.

I'm sure Oprah would say - Gratitude should be your attitude - okay so she might not use those words exactly but the point is made.  You may not always get exactly what you want but you should recognize the richness of the blessings bestowed upon you.  Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . I know all that and I get it.  Seeing my daughter dance her three signature dance moves to every song she hears, sharing laughs with friends, and stealing kid-free time with my husband are all wonderful reminders.  I am still filled with a longing.

So, even though I am grateful to have a job, a home, a family, etc., I'll tell you what.  I’m done.  I’m tossing out the rest of these wasabi nuts.   I personally don't want to get used to, nor learn to like the wasabi in my life.  I am a writer.  I want to improve my home, relish in my marriage, love on my family, nurture my friendships,  I want to improve my finances and the person that I am, and so on . . . . I want to go hard in search of the Sunshine and Good Times that I took for granted.  The rut of the day-to day makes you forget to delight in all the things that just make you wanna Boogie!

So I'm off to Walgreens to get my Lime and Chili flavored almonds - for inspiration.  I know none of these things will happen if I just settle and learn to like DESE NUTS!!!! :)

Peace,

C