Oops!!!

Who's Invited!?! My "A -List" New Year's Eve Party!

It’s New Year’s Eve!!! As so many of you hit the streets to “Turn Up” (2013’s most annoying phrase --- that I can’t stop saying), I’ll be laying low this year and kicking back.  What better time to play one of my favorite games --- one that my friend Puni and I call, “Who’s Invited”!?!

When it comes to celebrities, I am not an Idol Worshiper!  When we talk about celebrities, we talk about them in terms of who we think would be the most fun at a party, who would you most like to hang out or shop with. Who is cool.

It basically goes like this . . .  you decide on the venue, the occasion and then tell who would make the guest list.  My event would look like the New Year’s Eve Dinner Party from the movie Brown Sugar.  But better, bigger, on an island maybe or in a penthouse, with the ubiquitous long table that’s in every dinner party scene. It’s an intimate gathering with good food and drink in an environment where people can talk and laugh.  It’s a casual affair. People can wear jeans and sparkles.  J

So, who makes the list? For me it’s people whose private personality seems just as interesting as their public persona. So here goes . . .

Beyonce and Jay-Z – You already know. I have to have Forbes’ Highest Earning Celebrity Couple at the Par-tay! They are not invited for their celebrity status, but truly I think they are interesting. They travel, support causes, they read, I’m sure they have interesting stories to tell . . . if they’ll tell ‘em!

Sandra Bullock – Why you ask? I just like her.  Anyone who gets publicly humiliated the way that she was by her ex-husband, quickly gets herself together, then “pimp struts” outta there like Angela Bassett setting the car on fire in Waiting to Exhale and never look back . . .  That’s a cold piece right there!!! She can bring the kid too. He can play with Laila.

Kevin Hart – Is he having the Best Year (or few years) EVER or what!!! It’s been a long time coming and he seems to have a funny take on all of it. I’ll just need him to use his inside voice.

Robert De Niro – I think he is so New York. I think he is so cool. Enough said. I imagine him having a drink after the dinner. He might even take his shoes off while he’s talking. Bring the wife!

John Legend – Not only is he an amazing talent. He supports causes that I admire and he produces films that have substance. I know he and his wife Chrissy would be fun at a party and who knows, he might just jump on the piano too (yeah, there’s a piano there)!

Jilly from Philly (Jill Scott) – That’s Jill Scott for those who don’t know.  I haven’t heard much from her lately.  I need her to come through so that we can catch up!

Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade – Yes. They are invited.  I think my guests are classy enough not to ask about the latest scandal involving them – although they will be watching their body language . . . bet that!

Regina King – I’ve known her since my childhood and she continues to reinvent herself.  I feel like she was missed in the latest films, but out of all the Gabby-Sanaa-Nia-Taraji Black Actress crew she’s been around the longest and might have some stories. Plus, I wanna know what happened with Theo Huxtable!?!?

Will Ferrell – I just think he would be fun. In some interviews he seems so over Hollywood. But he also seems like the type that can’t finish a story without cracking “his-own-self” up! Love that.

Dave Chappelle – He has been on the guest list for years . . . and he ain’t coming off! He will have to come

all the way from obscurity in Ohio for the party but I know that he’ll have fun stuff to talk about.  The only thing would be getting the other Hollywood types to leave HIM alone because he is still (low-key) your favorite comedian’s favorite comedian!

Ahmir “?uestlove” Thompson – Have you ever read his celebrity stories!?! THE BEST EVER!!! Not because he’s talking about celebrities but the way in which he talks about his encounters with them.  Some he is simply in awe of some and not for the reasons you’d think (like Prince), and some he artfully shows them as “on bullshit”, on some “hollywood shit”, or on some “disrespectful shit” in a very relatable sort of way. I KNOW he’ll have great stories to tell. Don’t believe me? Then check out his description of Will Smith’s house: http://curbed.com/archives/2011/07/28/roots-drummer-uestlove-pens-epic-tribute-to-will-smiths-house.php

Idris Elba – Aside from being distractingly handsome, I think he would be fun.  He’s been in some stand out films, he knows music, he has an accent, three things that definitely take your party's “cool factor” up a few

notches. He can bring a date . . . I guess.

Ben Stiller – There’s Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Zoolander and his latest movie about one of the classics from my “literary childhood”!!! Never takes himself so seriously that he can’t try something new.  I know he has some stories to tell! He can bring the wife and kids too. And his parents!!!

Mary J and husband Kendu – Of course, I can’t have a party without my homegirl! Imagine her and Robert De Niro in conversation! Love it!

So, there’s my New Year’s Eve Dinner Party. I chose people that are so busy that you don’t often imagine them “sitting down”.  I am intrigued by what they must be like at those moments.  Surely my guest list would change if I were planning a Ladies Night Out or a Super Bowl Party or some other kind of shin dig but this is my “A-list” kick back.  My reality show favs are not invited to this one. 

Now tell me, who would you invite? And to what? What kind of soiree would you invite your celebrity “friends” to and why?

Have fun, be safe out there, and see you in 2014!

15 Things I've Learned on the Journey to 40!

As I celebrate my 40^th Birthday, I can’t help thinking that I am sooooo not the same girl I was at 20, 25, and in some ways even 30, but in many ways I am! Below I’ve compiled a list of the things that I know to be truth.  It took me 40 years to get here – don’t judge me!

1.        Trust your instincts. – That’s why you have them.  I can attribute the many missteps in my life to ignoring that inner voice that told me better!

2.        No one is all one thing (Thanks K.Ford). – It’s the truth. Even someone who is rotten as hell has some redeeming qualities . . . somewhere. Likewise, that sweet grandma on your block has a skeleton or two in her closet. People are dynamic and complex . . .  a mixed bag of crazy! Word!

3.        Don’t feel sorry for yourself. No one will join you in that. – That pity party you’re planning will only have a guest list of one. Ain’t nobody got time for that!!!

4.        Behavior Breeds Behavior. – If you come at a person with attitude, you stand a 95.9% chance of getting that attitude right back. On the flip side though, if someone is giving it to you and you react with calm, it confuses them and they calm the hell down too! It’s amazing to watch.

5.        If you don’t like it, fix it! – This year my brother-in-law will celebrate his 50^th  . . .  but with braces on his teeth. His motto is why walk around wishing things were better, make it better! Message!

6.         Don’t compare your life to others – This is just one of the reasons that Facebook is the devil. People will post their best, smiliest, thinnest, most fabulous pics on purpose and have you thinking that something is wrong with your life. Just remember, that they probably won’t post pics of their bad hair days, stacked up laundry, credit card statements, past due bills, etc. You’re all right!

7.         “Praise even the leaves” – I heard this years ago and it just means that before the flowers bloom, before the fruit ripens, praise even the leaves on the tree. It may not be your time yet. Be grateful for the season you are in, it might just be a time of divine preparation!

8.        Say what you mean and mean what you say – People can be slow. So, don’t leave your words and your meaning up to interpretation. Because, um, well . . . good luck with that.

9.        Real parenting makes you neurotic – Did I put too many clothes on her? Is she wearing her sweater? Did she eat all of her lunch? Is this the right school for her? Sheesh!

10.    You can’t hide from yourself.  Everywhere you go, there you are! – The guru, Teddy Pendergrass, told us this. If a person is shady in their business, they are probably shady in relationships, at home, etc, etc. Pay attention, people are telling you who they are all the time. You just have to listen.

11.    Shine and Let Shine – I love being around fabulous people. But if you are truly fabulous then you love to see others shine too! Never be too full of yourself to give a compliment or to help someone shine. You’ll shine brighter too.

12.    Haters gon’ hate! That’s what they do!!! – You will waste valuable time and energy worrying about what people think of you, or trying to get people to like you . . . especially if it ain’t in them do so. I’m a people pleaser so it took me a minute to get here. Who knows why they hate you --- you think it’s your fabulousness but truthfully, deep down, it ain’t really even about you.  It’s kinda like being ugly! It’s really not gonna change unless something drastic happens (matter of fact, it’s exactly like being Ugly)!!! 

13.    In love, it’s okay to be different – He’s Duck Dynasty. I’m Real Housewives. As long as you both want the same things – a happy home, love and respect, hot butt naked sex . . . you’ll be alright!!!

14.    It’s easy to be average. – There are plenty of role models and examples to follow.

15.    Happiness is a choice . . . That YOU make!!!  - If you’re looking for that time in life when there are no troubles, if you’re looking for that person who helps you find your “happy”, new car, house, etc.  --- Good Luck!!! The goal is to possess your joy in spite of all.

Now get out there and find your “sunshine”!! That’s an order! J

She Was Wheat Bread, When Wheat Bread Wasn’t Cool!

I was in the grocery store the other day and saw a woman with a cart full of white bread – 5 or 6 loaves at least. All I could think was, “Damn, they still sell that!” I can’t remember the last time I had (much less bought) a slice of white bread.  Honestly, I really never developed a taste for it – thanks to Mama.

You see, my mother was ALL ABOUT wheat bread, when wheat bread wasn’t cool – she was about that life!

She was into vitamins, herbs, whole grains, lean proteins, and carrot juice way before it was trendy.  She used to send us on school field trips with sandwiches on bread that was sure to be ridiculed – she used that hearty bread, not the cute wheat bread they sell now.  On a Friday night she just might bust out the juicer and we would all get carrot or apple juice “wasted”.  And naturally, Abdul’s children didn’t eat no pork, so we always had the cheese pizza at parties, a turkey sandwich instead of ham, chicken salad instead of tuna, or BEEF bologna for lunch. And, the brown rice we ate with dinner seemed so different than the white rice we had at school, at restaurants, or with relatives.  I used to dream of white rice!!!

Of course as kids we couldn’t appreciate what she was trying to do back then.  She had to endure all our protests and pleas. It wasn’t really that we didn’t like it – well, we did really hate the Buckwheat Pancakes - we protested mostly because it made us feel different.  As kids, all we wanted was to be like everyone else.  We couldn’t wait to start our own lives and buy our own groceries.

But lo and behold --- wouldn’t you know it --- now you can’t escape it! You can’t watch television without seeing commercials for products that boast about Whole Grains. School lunches offer turkey sausage for breakfast instead of pork now.  Odwalla, Naked, and others are killing the game with their fruit smoothies and vegetable blends that you can buy right in the grocery store.  A few friends and I were just talking at a kid’s birthday party about which brand of juicer is best. And brown rice . . . . it’s so popular now, Uncle Ben’s even has an instant (not sure if that’s an oxymoron, though) .

Really Mom, you were ahead of your time.

So Mom, this Mother’s Day I raise my glass of carrot juice to you! For all the wheat bread, brown rice, carrot juice, Tiger’s Milk candy bars, Carob cakes, and herbal teas, thank you!!!

So now tell me, what did your Mom do when you were growing up that you didn’t appreciate until you were an adult (or a parent)? What are you doing now that your kids can’t appreciate yet? Moms Rock!!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Dedicated to my mom, Delores Daniel a.k.a. Lois, Memphis Dawn, LoLo, Dee, Mama D, Grandma Lores! Happy Mother's Day!!

The Problem With Proclamations . . .

Just ask Tom Cruise. Or any other person who shouts from the roof tops or jumps on coaches to profess his love for someone, or something. Or, simply ask someone in the middle of February about their New Year’s Resolution. 

The problem with proclamations is that they are public, definitive, resolute, and ballsy!!  Everything they should be.

By this time of year people are well on their way to establishing new routines, kicking old habits, knee deep into their workout plans, or they are hoping no one remembers what they resolved on January 1^st.

Dieters are posting pictures of their favorite desserts again.

Naturalistas are buying relaxers J

Savings have been (as my mother would say) “pinched on”.

Smokers are puffing away behind the garage.

Damn Shame.

My resolution was to start blogging again regularly . . . hmm.

It has become commonplace to joke about New Year’s Resolutions and how people rarely keep them. So much so that people swear them off and resolve never to make them!

We can’t give up that easy.  Life is full of fits and starts and restarts.  When making change in life there are bound to be a few growing pains. If it was easy to do, you’d have done it a long time ago.

I say keep making New Year’s Resolutions. If it doesn’t work out by February, evaluate and make a new one in February. Call it your “Fab-ruary Resolution”.  If February doesn’t work out, try a “March-ing On Resolution”! But keep trying. Like Aaliyah said you can surely “dust yourself off and try again”!!!

Happy Fab-ruary!!!

“If you think change is difficult, think of the butterfly”!!!

What’s your Fab-ruary Resolution?

The No List

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s been while, I know. But, why not check back in on a day when love is in the air!

I remember being in high school and waiting to see if my sweetie bought a rose for me, or opening the school newspaper to see if anyone wrote a “personal” to me.  Going on a date on Valentine’s Day meant a flowers or candy, or some other such symbol of endearment. Cute!

 

 

Dating is different today, I know. Many of the young girls that I work with today have never really been on a date. For many, a date consists of HER walking over HIS house. Not Cute. 

A few years ago, a colleague and I helped a girl get ready for her first date.  We helped her choose her outfit. My friend did her hair. The guy let her pick the date spot so we even gave her suggestions on where to go on a good first date.  She was excited! I mean, Over the Moon, excited. She said she thought that going on dates was something that people on TV did. She was 18 years old and already a mother.

She admitted that she had really thought that dating was something that people on TV did.  Oh Cupid, what have we done to our daughters?

We have created a society for which dating is not required.  More teenaged girls today will admit to wanting to be a baby mama over being a wife. I ask young girls all the time about their criteria for dating. They’ll say things like . . . he has to be cute, cool, dress nice, etc., nothing about his personality.  My friend Donna would say that problem is that girls should have a “No List” - a list of traits and behaviors that would make you “undate-able”.

Men, before you get all upset and tell me I’m on some . . .”Oprah-I-don’t-need-a man-type ish”!!!Don’t get it twisted. Some of y’all need a No List too. I have seen some of you post about Baby Mama Drama or heard your stories about how that chic that was a Hellcat in the Sack turned out to be “Crazy than a mf”!!! Guess, you really can’t trust a big butt and a smile. Hmm.

A “No List” simply helps you define the things that are deal breakers, the things that would make you incompatible.

If you can’t stand smoke, don’t date a smoker.

If you don’t like kids, don’t date someone with them.

Tired of dating folks who are not financially responsible, don’t date someone who doesn’t own a bank account.

If your plans are to go school/college, you might not want to date that guy that dropped out and is hugging the block, just saying. 

These are not judgments. It’s just about being honest. Establishing some of these things up front may save you some heartache in the end. I think this is crucial for the state of relationships in our culture, where more of our young girls stand to be mothers before they’ve even had their first date. 

What's on your No List!?!

This post is dedicated to my husband, my Boo-thang, my Valentine, Nelson, who is helping our daughter craft her “No List” early.  Poor thing will never date!!!

Bumrush Somebody You Love . . . Today!!!

We did it! We got her! VP was Bumrushed!

The Mission
I called my homegirl VP and asked her to meet me for a drink.  I told her I needed some career advice,  I had a babysitter, and needed to get out.  I suggested her favorite restaurant. 

Truly Surprised!

When she got there, the hostess (who was also in on the ruse) grabbed two menus and walked us to our table. As we rounded the corner, the rest of our group (who I discreetly texted when she walked in) was standing ready with cameras to capture her expression when we yelled, SURPRISE!!!

The Rationale

Now, it wasn’t her birthday or anything. We were surprising her to celebrate a promotion of sorts, a true milestone.  My girl VP is now principal of her own school!

It was a small gathering of what we call our Eastside Girls.  We all grew up on the “Eastside” and have known each other for over 20 years (some of us 30 years – WOW).  It was a much needed outing for us, as well as the honoree.  She told us about her new job.  We ate and “drank”, told old stories, shared new ones, and laughed. I mean really laughed.

VP telling one of her "side-splitting" stories.

But more than that, we were celebrating life.  Recently we said goodbye to another of our Sister Girls gone too soon, Dr. Tamara C. King.  This girl was one of a kind, the life of the party, a classy cut-up who put her effort into being a woman of excellence and “Doing It Big”.  And a year ago, our own Eastside Girls crew was devastated by the loss of our dear friend, Brandy D. Brown – a beautiful, wise and caring friend who made excellence look easy.  Both were well loved by many. Both were very close to VP.

Both had packed services that were standing room only.  Both had awesome eulogies and had many to tell the stories of their accomplishments and their impact.  I wonder if they knew just how much they were loved, not just by those nearest and dearest, but by those who they touched along the way.  I wonder.

It got me to thinking about a celebration that I attended some years ago at a friend’s church.  There they would choose someone from the congregation, secretly invite their family and friends, and surprise them with a sort of “This Is Your Life” kind of program.  They would have people from various stages of a person’s journey tell stories, share memories, and celebrate some aspect of who they are.  Nice.

The Call to Action

It’s time. It’s time to show the ones we love just how much they mean to us. If you’re anything like me, it’s one of those things that you always "mean to" do - but um . . . 

I walk around with cards in my purse for nearly every occasion that I "mean to" mail and I always have phone calls that I mean to make.  I mean, sometimes I hang on to the cards for so long that they end up being a rumpled mess that I am too embarrassed to mail.  So if you were waiting for a card or a call from me, charge it to my purse, not my heart. Or how about, I "mean to" call someone so long that I can't remember what I wanted to say and in a few cases, the numbers have changed!! Bump that, we gotta do better!

Flowers for Lady V!

Celebrate anything. The traditional milestones already come with a built-in celebration – birthdays, marriage, baby, new house, etc.  But I would challenge you to celebrate other things as well. Celebrate the fact that she quit smoking, or that he lost weight, that she got a new job, celebrate to say thank you for all she’s done, or hell, celebrate cuz it’s a Tuesday. Anything is celebration worthy.  You might even what to celebrate to motivate.  Maybe your friend is in a rut and you get a few peeps together to remind her, in a fun way, of just how fabulous she really is. That might be just the thing he or she needs to go forward and tackle a challenge.
Celebrate when they least expect it.  We celebrated on a Monday night.  We knew it was the only night she had free.  Unfortunately, we weren’t free.  We all complained about how tired we were, but the look on her face made it all worth it! The surprise element is key, so you might have to get into your full “secret squirrel” mode.  We talked to her sweetheart, created a GroupMe text message group so that we could talk details, and we even stretched the truth on our whereabouts to make sure that we got there before her --- cuz she’s a fast driver!

Celebrate when they most need it. The timing made it a necessity that we get together.  Losing loved ones, changing jobs, or otherwise changing chapters in life can be overwhelming as you attempt to maintain EVERYTHING ELSE that’s going on in your world.  We all get by with a "lil help from our friends" – I’m just saying, let’s just be more intentional about it.  

Left to Right: Toya, Me, KFord, DainaDane, and VP. Cheers!

So, come on y’all.  Bumrush somebody you love.  Jump out of the bushes on ‘em, ambush them in a parking lot, pick ‘em up from work and kidnap ‘em! Go above and beyond to tell them how much you love them, in this life.  Celebrate the fullness of who they are, tell them how proud you are of them and how grateful you are just to know them.  We could all use a lil bit of that. 

Now that’s a Good Time!

This post is dedicated to the memory of Brandy D. Brown, Esq and Dr. Tamara C. King.