I'm Moving and . . . You're Invited!

Well We're Movin’ On Up . . . to Chicago Now!

Well my friends, the time has come.  I am moving and you’re all invited to the housewarming!!!! Sorry, I don’t mean my real place. I mean my blog! I have joined the ranks of Chicago Now – Chicago’s online community of bloggers!

With this move there will be some changes, the most important being . . . the blog’s new name. The blog will now be known as Who’s Invited?  Let’s face it, you didn't really remember the old name anyway! The blog will continue to discuss the quirky things that we talk about at parties, at bars, at get-togethers, and such.  It will also discuss “the guest list” – the celebs and news makers whose antics get them invited to (or disinvited from) our cultural consciousness. It should be fun!

So . . . Who’s Invited?

You are! I look forward to seeing you over at my new blog home http://www.chicagonow.com/whos-invited/ or on my new Facebook page. Come on over and check me out!

Who's Invited? Why Mimi G, of course . . . Darling!!!

Me and The Fabulous MiMi G!!!

Who's Next on The Guest List?
As many of you know, I have this party in my head that all the fabulous people are invited to attend. If you didn't already know, MiMi G is invited!!!  This weekend I attended a fabulous workshop on how to market, run, and brand your blog or creative business. It was the first stop on the MiMi G Passion to Profit Tour. 

Who is Mimi G, you ask?

www.mimigstyle.com

Well, if you are unfamiliar, she is a fashion/lifestyle blogger who is taking the world by the seams, honey! Her blog www.mimigstyle.com gets over 12 million page views!!! It features outfit-of-the-day's (OOTD's), Do-it-Yourself (DIY) sewing tutorials, as well lifestyle posts about her family and various other topics. Ladies love her for her fabulous style and guys love her because she is hawt!!!

For me and for many, she has changed the perception of sewing. I always thought of sewing as something that my grandfather, the tailor, did or as something that a home seamstresses did only to produce frumpy, "mammy-made" outfits (sorry - just keeping it real)! But after discovering MiMi G a few years ago, I too have learned to sew and have since been turned on to other sewing blogs and my perception has been forever changed!!!

Passion to Profit Tour
But, this workshop wasn't about sewing!!! She shared her secrets!!! She shared tips and tricks about blogging and running a creative business that this "baby blogger" sorely needed. She shared how she turned her "little sewing blog" into a profitable
platform for her tutorials, corporate partnerships, a custom made clothing website, and a commercial pattern line! She also shared her personal story about being homeless, being a teen mother, and a woman who was in a terrible cycle of abusive relationships. Her message about overcoming your circumstances resonated with many in the room.  Every attendee also received goodies from Verizon and a resource packet with valuable tools that bloggers and creative chicas could use tor grow their own business! Score!!!


Why is she invited?

www.mimigstyle.com

Not only is she down-to-earth, fashionable, and funny,  she is that person that is already your BFF inside your head! She was gracious, she took pictures with nearly everyone there, and was just an all around sweetheart! It also doesn't hurt that she is originally from Chicago! Chi-Town STAND UP!!!

Ultimately, she's invited because I just love a lady who is a BOSSSSSS!!!
You gotta love a successful woman who isn't afraid to share knowledge. Often in business, people will keep their secrets close to the vest. But, she believes that there is enough "success" out here for everyone and no matter how much she shares, no one will do it the exact same way. I like that. I'm definitely the kind of girl that will give another lady her props and I have to give props to my "BFF inside my head" and invited guest - MiMi G!!! Like a BOSSSSSSSS!!!!!

The MiMi G Passion to Profit Tour will be heading to Atlanta, Houston, New York, DC, and Philadelphia, for more info click the link.

5 Reasons Why Cookie Lyon is the ISH!!!

Last night the Season Finale of Empire proved that it is the breakout hit of year! I have friends who fall on both sides of the fence about the show. Some love it as a show that depicts the culture. Others find it over the top and have likened it to a soap opera or the Black/Hip Hop Glee (!?!). Such is life. As a Chicagoan, I for one am loving that the show has given so many of my friends work in front of and behind the scenes and seeing my city on the screen each week is pretty darn cool!

But, most won't deny that Taraji Henson kills it as Cookie Lyons! She has already achieved iconic status in popular culture with her signature fashion sense, her witty one-liners and snappy comebacks. Baby girl can READ!!! So, here are my Top 5 Reasons Why Cookie Lyon is the ISH!!!

5.  Cookie is a fashion icon!
Cookie has no fear when it comes to fashion. She can rock a head-to-toe cheetah complete with a pimp hat and dare you to say she ain't shaaaawp!! Her fashion is "timeless"! She goes to jail for 17 years and the outfit that she gets locked up in has time to go out of style and come back in style again! I'm swear I've seen girls rocking that same outfit in the clubs recently.


4. Cookie is "cold-blooded"!
Literally! Cookie can rock a fur coat! PETA be damned, she rocks them indoors, outdoors, day, night, lunchtime . . . . It's not really clear what season (or what year) the show takes place in, but you can best believe that Cookie will swing a fresh fur for you!

3. Cookie is a Musical Genius! 
Hip Hop, R&B, she can even do Alternative with Elle Dallas (Courtney Love)! After 17 years in prison, with little influence from popular culture she can still comeback and slay the hits.

2. Cookie's Broom Game is Nice!
Cookie is from the old school where when a Mama needed to WHOOP a child she would grab what ever was closest - a broom, a shoe, a hairbrush . . . Her son Hakeem thought he was a Hip Hop superstar until he met her broom game. Don't play with Cookie!

And the #1 reason why Cookie is the ISH . . .

1. Cookie Is For The Kids!!!
You know you've reach the top when Vulture makes a paper doll in your honor! The doll doesn't exactly look like Taraji P. in the face but it definitely captures her essence and her most memorable outfits - cheeky cheetah, boardroom lingerie, they even include the broom! I'm printing mine today! You can get yours and have a good ole time producing records, fighting with BooBoo Kitty or otherwise reliving your favorite moments from the season.  Get yours here!

Not sure if Cookie Lyon is invited but come on now, a paper doll! You gotta admit, that's hot!

Damon Dash . . . You Are Cordially Invited

The internet is still buzzing from Dame Dash’s interview on The Breakfast Club on Friday with Charlemagne The God and DJ Envy.  Dame basically s#!% on their lives because they have a boss. 

"I hustle for my last name, not for my first."

Ouch! Shout out to everybody who is employed out there!!! He came for you . . . us!

The initial clip that everyone posted and reposted over the weekend paints Dame as the "bad guy", snapping again. He was there to promote his newest project, an independent film, Loisadas, but the conversation kept getting off-track. The radio personalities kept trying to ask him about his former partner, Jay-Z. 

He let them have it and the full interview shows more of why. Dame reminded us that the old Roc-A Fella days are over 15 years ago and he felt that rehashing questions about that time and entertaining gossip was disrespectful. It no doubt struck a nerve. 

Frankly, I thought that it was cool that he talked to them about the mindset and mentality of a "boss", but I also thought it was too extreme to challenge the guys' manhood simply because they don't share the same world view. 

"Calling another man boss is like calling him Daddy"!

"Jobs are for people who are too lazy to invest in themselves"

"Real men don't talk about other men"

So how could someone who does that get invited? Well,  many of you know I have a fabulous soiree . . . in my mind . . . attended by all my favorite celeb friends. Dame is invited because it's no fun if everyone thinks the same. I actually really like when I am at a get together and happen upon a lively discussion/debate about anything from the trivial and the important.  

He's also invited because he makes a good points. 

- In today’s society, with user-friendly technology the internet it is easier than ever for the average yo to be a boss.

- Working a 9 to 5 everyday just to have to ask someone when you can take a vacation or a sick-day does make you feel like less than a (wo)man.

- A Good Woman Makes Everything Better. 

Most importantly, he is invited BECAUSE he's a boss.  I need more people like that in my life.  I really admire people who set out to do it their own way. Dame's career has certainly had it's highs and lows, but, who better to learn from that someone who 's experienced both. Someone who picks himself up and keeps on grinding.

So, Damon Dash, You Are Invited! The invitation has already been sent, simply awaiting a reply. 

Oh, and uh, . . . I Promise We Won't Bring Up Jay-Z. He'll be there anyway,

Peace (and Prosperity),

CD

If you haven't seen it. Catch the full interview here.

Death of a Diva

"High heels are pleasure with pain"

---Christian Louboutin

I don’t go out much. But when I do, I am well past the age of feeling like I need to be uncomfortable for the sake of fashion. But there I was, at a friend’s birthday party this weekend, nearly doubled-over in pain, wincing, hobbling through the venue like a ninety-year old woman. Well, not really. That’s just how I felt in my shoes. Shoes that will never be worn again! Not by me.

It wasn’t that they were too small, I don’t play that! It was something about the width or the shape or the style of the top of the shoe . . .  I’m not sure, but it was a mess!

All I could think about was, “How AM I HERE”!?! I know better.  I buy my size, I buy quality, I walk in heels on the regular! I am the teacher who silently pities the girls who show up to prom in heels they’re wearing for the first time, walking tenuously like balancing on stilts.  Poor things, I bet now I’ll empathize more .  . .

But that ain’t me! I love a good heel. Heels always help to elongate my 5’4’’ stature. They make me taller, thinner. They put that dip in your hip, that switch in your sway, that sass in your . . .
The higher the heel, the closer to GAWD! Needless to say, I like a good heel! This night was no different, I got dressed and was feeling pretty good about my self. I even took a bathroom selfie! BAM! I put on the heels and awakened The Diva! I was ready for the night!

“How AM I HERE”, I shouted as my feet screamed!!!

How I guess it happens when you don’t go out much and you take your fashion cues from blogs. It happens when you buy online. It happens when you’re the kind of person who receives shoes in the mail, tries them on only one foot (the left), feels satisfied and then throws them in the closet . . . for months.  

It was my right shoe that betrayed me, that made me sit it out when they played “The Wobble”. It was the right shoe that made me silently beg for mercy as I stood during the tributes and acknowledgements. It was the right shoe that made me move past the appetizers, hungry though I was, because I couldn't manage eating, walking, talking, smiling and hiding my pain all at one time.
Too many sensations. It was the right shoe that did me wrong and made me end my night.

 

Sexy swagger. Spent.

Diva. Dead.

Had it not been snowing, I would have walked to my car barefoot!

Cause of Death

Oops!!!

Who's Invited!?! My "A -List" New Year's Eve Party!

It’s New Year’s Eve!!! As so many of you hit the streets to “Turn Up” (2013’s most annoying phrase --- that I can’t stop saying), I’ll be laying low this year and kicking back.  What better time to play one of my favorite games --- one that my friend Puni and I call, “Who’s Invited”!?!

When it comes to celebrities, I am not an Idol Worshiper!  When we talk about celebrities, we talk about them in terms of who we think would be the most fun at a party, who would you most like to hang out or shop with. Who is cool.

It basically goes like this . . .  you decide on the venue, the occasion and then tell who would make the guest list.  My event would look like the New Year’s Eve Dinner Party from the movie Brown Sugar.  But better, bigger, on an island maybe or in a penthouse, with the ubiquitous long table that’s in every dinner party scene. It’s an intimate gathering with good food and drink in an environment where people can talk and laugh.  It’s a casual affair. People can wear jeans and sparkles.  J

So, who makes the list? For me it’s people whose private personality seems just as interesting as their public persona. So here goes . . .

Beyonce and Jay-Z – You already know. I have to have Forbes’ Highest Earning Celebrity Couple at the Par-tay! They are not invited for their celebrity status, but truly I think they are interesting. They travel, support causes, they read, I’m sure they have interesting stories to tell . . . if they’ll tell ‘em!

Sandra Bullock – Why you ask? I just like her.  Anyone who gets publicly humiliated the way that she was by her ex-husband, quickly gets herself together, then “pimp struts” outta there like Angela Bassett setting the car on fire in Waiting to Exhale and never look back . . .  That’s a cold piece right there!!! She can bring the kid too. He can play with Laila.

Kevin Hart – Is he having the Best Year (or few years) EVER or what!!! It’s been a long time coming and he seems to have a funny take on all of it. I’ll just need him to use his inside voice.

Robert De Niro – I think he is so New York. I think he is so cool. Enough said. I imagine him having a drink after the dinner. He might even take his shoes off while he’s talking. Bring the wife!

John Legend – Not only is he an amazing talent. He supports causes that I admire and he produces films that have substance. I know he and his wife Chrissy would be fun at a party and who knows, he might just jump on the piano too (yeah, there’s a piano there)!

Jilly from Philly (Jill Scott) – That’s Jill Scott for those who don’t know.  I haven’t heard much from her lately.  I need her to come through so that we can catch up!

Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade – Yes. They are invited.  I think my guests are classy enough not to ask about the latest scandal involving them – although they will be watching their body language . . . bet that!

Regina King – I’ve known her since my childhood and she continues to reinvent herself.  I feel like she was missed in the latest films, but out of all the Gabby-Sanaa-Nia-Taraji Black Actress crew she’s been around the longest and might have some stories. Plus, I wanna know what happened with Theo Huxtable!?!?

Will Ferrell – I just think he would be fun. In some interviews he seems so over Hollywood. But he also seems like the type that can’t finish a story without cracking “his-own-self” up! Love that.

Dave Chappelle – He has been on the guest list for years . . . and he ain’t coming off! He will have to come

all the way from obscurity in Ohio for the party but I know that he’ll have fun stuff to talk about.  The only thing would be getting the other Hollywood types to leave HIM alone because he is still (low-key) your favorite comedian’s favorite comedian!

Ahmir “?uestlove” Thompson – Have you ever read his celebrity stories!?! THE BEST EVER!!! Not because he’s talking about celebrities but the way in which he talks about his encounters with them.  Some he is simply in awe of some and not for the reasons you’d think (like Prince), and some he artfully shows them as “on bullshit”, on some “hollywood shit”, or on some “disrespectful shit” in a very relatable sort of way. I KNOW he’ll have great stories to tell. Don’t believe me? Then check out his description of Will Smith’s house: http://curbed.com/archives/2011/07/28/roots-drummer-uestlove-pens-epic-tribute-to-will-smiths-house.php

Idris Elba – Aside from being distractingly handsome, I think he would be fun.  He’s been in some stand out films, he knows music, he has an accent, three things that definitely take your party's “cool factor” up a few

notches. He can bring a date . . . I guess.

Ben Stiller – There’s Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Zoolander and his latest movie about one of the classics from my “literary childhood”!!! Never takes himself so seriously that he can’t try something new.  I know he has some stories to tell! He can bring the wife and kids too. And his parents!!!

Mary J and husband Kendu – Of course, I can’t have a party without my homegirl! Imagine her and Robert De Niro in conversation! Love it!

So, there’s my New Year’s Eve Dinner Party. I chose people that are so busy that you don’t often imagine them “sitting down”.  I am intrigued by what they must be like at those moments.  Surely my guest list would change if I were planning a Ladies Night Out or a Super Bowl Party or some other kind of shin dig but this is my “A-list” kick back.  My reality show favs are not invited to this one. 

Now tell me, who would you invite? And to what? What kind of soiree would you invite your celebrity “friends” to and why?

Have fun, be safe out there, and see you in 2014!

15 Things I've Learned on the Journey to 40!

As I celebrate my 40^th Birthday, I can’t help thinking that I am sooooo not the same girl I was at 20, 25, and in some ways even 30, but in many ways I am! Below I’ve compiled a list of the things that I know to be truth.  It took me 40 years to get here – don’t judge me!

1.        Trust your instincts. – That’s why you have them.  I can attribute the many missteps in my life to ignoring that inner voice that told me better!

2.        No one is all one thing (Thanks K.Ford). – It’s the truth. Even someone who is rotten as hell has some redeeming qualities . . . somewhere. Likewise, that sweet grandma on your block has a skeleton or two in her closet. People are dynamic and complex . . .  a mixed bag of crazy! Word!

3.        Don’t feel sorry for yourself. No one will join you in that. – That pity party you’re planning will only have a guest list of one. Ain’t nobody got time for that!!!

4.        Behavior Breeds Behavior. – If you come at a person with attitude, you stand a 95.9% chance of getting that attitude right back. On the flip side though, if someone is giving it to you and you react with calm, it confuses them and they calm the hell down too! It’s amazing to watch.

5.        If you don’t like it, fix it! – This year my brother-in-law will celebrate his 50^th  . . .  but with braces on his teeth. His motto is why walk around wishing things were better, make it better! Message!

6.         Don’t compare your life to others – This is just one of the reasons that Facebook is the devil. People will post their best, smiliest, thinnest, most fabulous pics on purpose and have you thinking that something is wrong with your life. Just remember, that they probably won’t post pics of their bad hair days, stacked up laundry, credit card statements, past due bills, etc. You’re all right!

7.         “Praise even the leaves” – I heard this years ago and it just means that before the flowers bloom, before the fruit ripens, praise even the leaves on the tree. It may not be your time yet. Be grateful for the season you are in, it might just be a time of divine preparation!

8.        Say what you mean and mean what you say – People can be slow. So, don’t leave your words and your meaning up to interpretation. Because, um, well . . . good luck with that.

9.        Real parenting makes you neurotic – Did I put too many clothes on her? Is she wearing her sweater? Did she eat all of her lunch? Is this the right school for her? Sheesh!

10.    You can’t hide from yourself.  Everywhere you go, there you are! – The guru, Teddy Pendergrass, told us this. If a person is shady in their business, they are probably shady in relationships, at home, etc, etc. Pay attention, people are telling you who they are all the time. You just have to listen.

11.    Shine and Let Shine – I love being around fabulous people. But if you are truly fabulous then you love to see others shine too! Never be too full of yourself to give a compliment or to help someone shine. You’ll shine brighter too.

12.    Haters gon’ hate! That’s what they do!!! – You will waste valuable time and energy worrying about what people think of you, or trying to get people to like you . . . especially if it ain’t in them do so. I’m a people pleaser so it took me a minute to get here. Who knows why they hate you --- you think it’s your fabulousness but truthfully, deep down, it ain’t really even about you.  It’s kinda like being ugly! It’s really not gonna change unless something drastic happens (matter of fact, it’s exactly like being Ugly)!!! 

13.    In love, it’s okay to be different – He’s Duck Dynasty. I’m Real Housewives. As long as you both want the same things – a happy home, love and respect, hot butt naked sex . . . you’ll be alright!!!

14.    It’s easy to be average. – There are plenty of role models and examples to follow.

15.    Happiness is a choice . . . That YOU make!!!  - If you’re looking for that time in life when there are no troubles, if you’re looking for that person who helps you find your “happy”, new car, house, etc.  --- Good Luck!!! The goal is to possess your joy in spite of all.

Now get out there and find your “sunshine”!! That’s an order! J

She Was Wheat Bread, When Wheat Bread Wasn’t Cool!

I was in the grocery store the other day and saw a woman with a cart full of white bread – 5 or 6 loaves at least. All I could think was, “Damn, they still sell that!” I can’t remember the last time I had (much less bought) a slice of white bread.  Honestly, I really never developed a taste for it – thanks to Mama.

You see, my mother was ALL ABOUT wheat bread, when wheat bread wasn’t cool – she was about that life!

She was into vitamins, herbs, whole grains, lean proteins, and carrot juice way before it was trendy.  She used to send us on school field trips with sandwiches on bread that was sure to be ridiculed – she used that hearty bread, not the cute wheat bread they sell now.  On a Friday night she just might bust out the juicer and we would all get carrot or apple juice “wasted”.  And naturally, Abdul’s children didn’t eat no pork, so we always had the cheese pizza at parties, a turkey sandwich instead of ham, chicken salad instead of tuna, or BEEF bologna for lunch. And, the brown rice we ate with dinner seemed so different than the white rice we had at school, at restaurants, or with relatives.  I used to dream of white rice!!!

Of course as kids we couldn’t appreciate what she was trying to do back then.  She had to endure all our protests and pleas. It wasn’t really that we didn’t like it – well, we did really hate the Buckwheat Pancakes - we protested mostly because it made us feel different.  As kids, all we wanted was to be like everyone else.  We couldn’t wait to start our own lives and buy our own groceries.

But lo and behold --- wouldn’t you know it --- now you can’t escape it! You can’t watch television without seeing commercials for products that boast about Whole Grains. School lunches offer turkey sausage for breakfast instead of pork now.  Odwalla, Naked, and others are killing the game with their fruit smoothies and vegetable blends that you can buy right in the grocery store.  A few friends and I were just talking at a kid’s birthday party about which brand of juicer is best. And brown rice . . . . it’s so popular now, Uncle Ben’s even has an instant (not sure if that’s an oxymoron, though) .

Really Mom, you were ahead of your time.

So Mom, this Mother’s Day I raise my glass of carrot juice to you! For all the wheat bread, brown rice, carrot juice, Tiger’s Milk candy bars, Carob cakes, and herbal teas, thank you!!!

So now tell me, what did your Mom do when you were growing up that you didn’t appreciate until you were an adult (or a parent)? What are you doing now that your kids can’t appreciate yet? Moms Rock!!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Dedicated to my mom, Delores Daniel a.k.a. Lois, Memphis Dawn, LoLo, Dee, Mama D, Grandma Lores! Happy Mother's Day!!

The Problem With Proclamations . . .

Just ask Tom Cruise. Or any other person who shouts from the roof tops or jumps on coaches to profess his love for someone, or something. Or, simply ask someone in the middle of February about their New Year’s Resolution. 

The problem with proclamations is that they are public, definitive, resolute, and ballsy!!  Everything they should be.

By this time of year people are well on their way to establishing new routines, kicking old habits, knee deep into their workout plans, or they are hoping no one remembers what they resolved on January 1^st.

Dieters are posting pictures of their favorite desserts again.

Naturalistas are buying relaxers J

Savings have been (as my mother would say) “pinched on”.

Smokers are puffing away behind the garage.

Damn Shame.

My resolution was to start blogging again regularly . . . hmm.

It has become commonplace to joke about New Year’s Resolutions and how people rarely keep them. So much so that people swear them off and resolve never to make them!

We can’t give up that easy.  Life is full of fits and starts and restarts.  When making change in life there are bound to be a few growing pains. If it was easy to do, you’d have done it a long time ago.

I say keep making New Year’s Resolutions. If it doesn’t work out by February, evaluate and make a new one in February. Call it your “Fab-ruary Resolution”.  If February doesn’t work out, try a “March-ing On Resolution”! But keep trying. Like Aaliyah said you can surely “dust yourself off and try again”!!!

Happy Fab-ruary!!!

“If you think change is difficult, think of the butterfly”!!!

What’s your Fab-ruary Resolution?

The No List

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s been while, I know. But, why not check back in on a day when love is in the air!

I remember being in high school and waiting to see if my sweetie bought a rose for me, or opening the school newspaper to see if anyone wrote a “personal” to me.  Going on a date on Valentine’s Day meant a flowers or candy, or some other such symbol of endearment. Cute!

 

 

Dating is different today, I know. Many of the young girls that I work with today have never really been on a date. For many, a date consists of HER walking over HIS house. Not Cute. 

A few years ago, a colleague and I helped a girl get ready for her first date.  We helped her choose her outfit. My friend did her hair. The guy let her pick the date spot so we even gave her suggestions on where to go on a good first date.  She was excited! I mean, Over the Moon, excited. She said she thought that going on dates was something that people on TV did. She was 18 years old and already a mother.

She admitted that she had really thought that dating was something that people on TV did.  Oh Cupid, what have we done to our daughters?

We have created a society for which dating is not required.  More teenaged girls today will admit to wanting to be a baby mama over being a wife. I ask young girls all the time about their criteria for dating. They’ll say things like . . . he has to be cute, cool, dress nice, etc., nothing about his personality.  My friend Donna would say that problem is that girls should have a “No List” - a list of traits and behaviors that would make you “undate-able”.

Men, before you get all upset and tell me I’m on some . . .”Oprah-I-don’t-need-a man-type ish”!!!Don’t get it twisted. Some of y’all need a No List too. I have seen some of you post about Baby Mama Drama or heard your stories about how that chic that was a Hellcat in the Sack turned out to be “Crazy than a mf”!!! Guess, you really can’t trust a big butt and a smile. Hmm.

A “No List” simply helps you define the things that are deal breakers, the things that would make you incompatible.

If you can’t stand smoke, don’t date a smoker.

If you don’t like kids, don’t date someone with them.

Tired of dating folks who are not financially responsible, don’t date someone who doesn’t own a bank account.

If your plans are to go school/college, you might not want to date that guy that dropped out and is hugging the block, just saying. 

These are not judgments. It’s just about being honest. Establishing some of these things up front may save you some heartache in the end. I think this is crucial for the state of relationships in our culture, where more of our young girls stand to be mothers before they’ve even had their first date. 

What's on your No List!?!

This post is dedicated to my husband, my Boo-thang, my Valentine, Nelson, who is helping our daughter craft her “No List” early.  Poor thing will never date!!!

Bumrush Somebody You Love . . . Today!!!

We did it! We got her! VP was Bumrushed!

The Mission
I called my homegirl VP and asked her to meet me for a drink.  I told her I needed some career advice,  I had a babysitter, and needed to get out.  I suggested her favorite restaurant. 

Truly Surprised!

When she got there, the hostess (who was also in on the ruse) grabbed two menus and walked us to our table. As we rounded the corner, the rest of our group (who I discreetly texted when she walked in) was standing ready with cameras to capture her expression when we yelled, SURPRISE!!!

The Rationale

Now, it wasn’t her birthday or anything. We were surprising her to celebrate a promotion of sorts, a true milestone.  My girl VP is now principal of her own school!

It was a small gathering of what we call our Eastside Girls.  We all grew up on the “Eastside” and have known each other for over 20 years (some of us 30 years – WOW).  It was a much needed outing for us, as well as the honoree.  She told us about her new job.  We ate and “drank”, told old stories, shared new ones, and laughed. I mean really laughed.

VP telling one of her "side-splitting" stories.

But more than that, we were celebrating life.  Recently we said goodbye to another of our Sister Girls gone too soon, Dr. Tamara C. King.  This girl was one of a kind, the life of the party, a classy cut-up who put her effort into being a woman of excellence and “Doing It Big”.  And a year ago, our own Eastside Girls crew was devastated by the loss of our dear friend, Brandy D. Brown – a beautiful, wise and caring friend who made excellence look easy.  Both were well loved by many. Both were very close to VP.

Both had packed services that were standing room only.  Both had awesome eulogies and had many to tell the stories of their accomplishments and their impact.  I wonder if they knew just how much they were loved, not just by those nearest and dearest, but by those who they touched along the way.  I wonder.

It got me to thinking about a celebration that I attended some years ago at a friend’s church.  There they would choose someone from the congregation, secretly invite their family and friends, and surprise them with a sort of “This Is Your Life” kind of program.  They would have people from various stages of a person’s journey tell stories, share memories, and celebrate some aspect of who they are.  Nice.

The Call to Action

It’s time. It’s time to show the ones we love just how much they mean to us. If you’re anything like me, it’s one of those things that you always "mean to" do - but um . . . 

I walk around with cards in my purse for nearly every occasion that I "mean to" mail and I always have phone calls that I mean to make.  I mean, sometimes I hang on to the cards for so long that they end up being a rumpled mess that I am too embarrassed to mail.  So if you were waiting for a card or a call from me, charge it to my purse, not my heart. Or how about, I "mean to" call someone so long that I can't remember what I wanted to say and in a few cases, the numbers have changed!! Bump that, we gotta do better!

Flowers for Lady V!

Celebrate anything. The traditional milestones already come with a built-in celebration – birthdays, marriage, baby, new house, etc.  But I would challenge you to celebrate other things as well. Celebrate the fact that she quit smoking, or that he lost weight, that she got a new job, celebrate to say thank you for all she’s done, or hell, celebrate cuz it’s a Tuesday. Anything is celebration worthy.  You might even what to celebrate to motivate.  Maybe your friend is in a rut and you get a few peeps together to remind her, in a fun way, of just how fabulous she really is. That might be just the thing he or she needs to go forward and tackle a challenge.
Celebrate when they least expect it.  We celebrated on a Monday night.  We knew it was the only night she had free.  Unfortunately, we weren’t free.  We all complained about how tired we were, but the look on her face made it all worth it! The surprise element is key, so you might have to get into your full “secret squirrel” mode.  We talked to her sweetheart, created a GroupMe text message group so that we could talk details, and we even stretched the truth on our whereabouts to make sure that we got there before her --- cuz she’s a fast driver!

Celebrate when they most need it. The timing made it a necessity that we get together.  Losing loved ones, changing jobs, or otherwise changing chapters in life can be overwhelming as you attempt to maintain EVERYTHING ELSE that’s going on in your world.  We all get by with a "lil help from our friends" – I’m just saying, let’s just be more intentional about it.  

Left to Right: Toya, Me, KFord, DainaDane, and VP. Cheers!

So, come on y’all.  Bumrush somebody you love.  Jump out of the bushes on ‘em, ambush them in a parking lot, pick ‘em up from work and kidnap ‘em! Go above and beyond to tell them how much you love them, in this life.  Celebrate the fullness of who they are, tell them how proud you are of them and how grateful you are just to know them.  We could all use a lil bit of that. 

Now that’s a Good Time!

This post is dedicated to the memory of Brandy D. Brown, Esq and Dr. Tamara C. King.

Let The Music Play! Cuz We Some Phreaky MFers!!!

Hey Y’all! It’s been a hectic couple of weeks.  With Prom, Graduation, Luncheon, and Dance Recitals my head has been spinning!!! Sorry to have left you so long. 

Anyhoo  . . .  I knew a few weeks ago that my follow up post to The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect would be about music’s influence on our culture and our young people.  I didn’t realize, though, that I would encounter yet another reason to write about it on my hiatus.

So we’re at the prom and it’s time to announce the Prom King and Queen.  My colleague and I are trying to figure out what song to play as we call them up to be crowned.  Naturally, I figure that the ancient melodies in my head wouldn’t excite the kids, so I defer to my colleague who is a few years younger than I.  He suggests .  .  . DJ Khaled’s “Take It To The Head” . . . Insert sound of needle scratching on a record HERE! 

“Take It To The Head”? I told him there has to be another song.  Has to be.  So I asked the kids.  I asked a few who were standing close by for the name of a nice slow song that we could play . . .  Chris Brown’s street team must have been outside the prom because they all said --- “Take It To The Head”.

Really!?!

Let me stop now and grab my Bobby Pins kiddies, because it’s time to put my hair up in a bun – librarian-style.

Ok. So, first off, I know you gotta be careful when you say anything bad about music. People will accuse you of censoring them, of being out of touch, and will lump you into a category with other banished culture critics like the late C. Delores Tucker.  I’m not going! Music’s influence on our culture is real and should be acknowledged without fear of being labeled a Puritan, a prude, or worse  . . . a lame.

For those too young to remember, those who have forgotten, or those who never knew, C. Delores Tucker was an activist in the 90’s who came out hard against Gangsta Rap.  She said it was destroying the moral fiber of the African American culture.  She even fought against Tupac being honored with an NAACP Image Award.  In doing so she made a name and an enemy.  She subsequently found herself the object of ridicule in some notable rap songs, like “How Do You Want It” by Tupac and others by Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Eminem to name a few.  She didn’t, however, stop Gangsta Rap.

C. Delores Tucker

As for “Take It To The Head”, Dr. Tucker would probably be outraged, but in fact, it’s a hot song. And one could make the argument that it’s about “going all the way” in life or taking “life” by the balls!  Sure . . . okay.  That’s not necessarily the message that I find in it, but okay.  Especially when you over hear a young man singing it in the echoed hallways of a high school.  Eww!

Now, to be fair and honest, I confess.  I have gotten my boogie on to some songs that were just as bad and those that were worse than “Take It To The Head”.  I love music – the lyrics and the beat.  But today, as a mother and educator music puts me in a weird place - try being a Poms coach and choosing music for a performance or a plan a playlist for a kids birthday party, It’ Tricky (no pun intended – okay, maybe a little).  I can remember vividly dancing to “Phreaky MFers”, “There Some Hoes In This House”, “My Neck, My Back”, and  . . . . “How Do You Want It” . . . . and the list could go on and on.  I guess I’m just more sensitive today because I see teens use media and popular culture as a blueprint or a road map for navigating their way to adulthood. 


Case in Point:  Recently in a quiet suburb near me, my friend tells me of a sex scandal at her son’s school.  He was a 7^th grader.  The scandal involved a young girl giving a boy a BJ while he recorded her on his phone.  It’s unfortunately the kind of incident that we hear about more and more.  But in that suburban school district it was the first incident they’d had to deal with involving students so young.  The boy was caught showing the video to his friends who in turn started to call the girl a slut and a hoe (go figure).  The saddest part is that, initially, before she was labeled a hoe, she asked the boy for a copy so that she could show her friends. You see, she was confused.  She wasn’t forced into the act.  She knew it was being videotaped.  And, she somehow thought her sex-scapades would lead to renown and popularity not judgment and ridicule.  That’s 7^th Grade thinking for you!

Is the song to blame? I don’t know, probably not.  Hey, there have always been freaks, girls that are rumored and whispered about for doing what the other girls wouldn’t.  But when you have young men and young ladies, even ones from “good” homes, figuring out adulthood in this climate – reality TV stars acting a fool, young “models” becoming new celebrities because of who they’re sleeping with, Too Short giving advice on how to finger a girl in an interview (Yes, really!) - having “Take it To the Head” as the only slow song they can think to play at the prom really doesn’t  help.

Pass me my knitting needle and I sit in my rocking chair – Damn, I sound old!

Youth consume media differently.  From the boys cutting slits in their eyebrows to look like Big Daddy Kane, wearing bandanas to look like Tupac, wearing big ass fake earrings to look bling-ed out like Puffy, to tattooing and sleeving to look like Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifa (and that’s just the guys). We know that pop culture guides fashion, opinions . . . but behavior?

The Boomerang Hammertoe Effect would say yes.  But it’s hard to know what things will stick and what things won’t.  Clearly, eyebrows have grown back and most people 30+ aren’t all still running around shouting “Thug Life”.  But, can we expect young girls to regain their modesty, self-respect, and self-esteem once this phase in popular culture is over?

Maybe there is no long term effect and/or reason to fear.  When I too was condemning C. Delores Tucker for being just another old broad who didn’t understand the youth, I never realized that I would one day wonder about the moral climate that my own child would grow up in.  Truly, the songs I listened to didn’t scar me for life or turn me out.  I turned out okay and so did nearly all of my friends.  Maybe, music’s influence isn’t as strong and doesn’t stick as much as we think.  

Maybe there really is nothing to worry about. I guess I’m just surprised that no one seems bothered by it.  When I told my colleague not to play the song at the prom he seemed shocked.  He said, “Oh, I guess I need to listen to the lyrics”.  Yes, but . . . the title . . . ?

The record has made it to the Top 20 of the Billboard R& B and Hip Hop chart and no one seems to mind.  The artists are safe.  There are no new C. Delores Tucker-types jumping out of the shadows to boycott them and lambast the direction of media and popular culture.

So, I guess I’ll just sit my old ass down then!

Maybe this phase/trend in music and media will pass too.  Maybe. 

Until then . . . I guess . . .  We’ll just Let the Music Play!?!

Tell me what you think? Do you think today’s music is having a negative affect on our youth? What “bad ass” songs did you listen to?